How to Influence Others - Building relationships

A Message from Noelyne....

An essential element for influencing others is the quality of the relationships that you have cultivated.

Good relationships = more influence.

You'll have better relationships and support if:

• Colleagues like working with you 
• Friends like spending time with you
• You make whoever you are with feel valued.

Steps to cultivating better relationships:

1. Show interest in others, asking about and paying attention to their concerns. Put yourself in their shoes, and ask for or offer help when appropriate.
2. Be respectful to your family, friends and colleagues, treating them as you'd like to be treated yourself. Listen to and encourage them. Show you recognise the value of their contribution. Say thank you and give compliments.

Take time to get to know people and get yourself known. Keep your name on people's mind. Contact friends and colleagues regularly to keep up to date with what's happening in their world. Remember people's names when you meet them. It means a lot!

Enjoy the process of life

Noelyne

P.S. Get a copy of my book 'How To Overcome Life's Challenges' here www.howtofindconfidence.com

How to forgive and forget

Asking For Forgiveness (Photo credit: hang_in_there)

A Message from Noelyne....
Do you still feel hurt as a result of what someone close has done to you?  Maybe a family member or friend betrayed you?  Do you feel resentment towards someone because they let you down? Every time you think of them you feel hurt, or anger or upset.  In fact you find it difficult to get this person out of your mind and find yourself dwelling on what happened.  You may even feel rejected and unloved.  And what’s worse is that the person concerned seems to be getting on with their lives as if nothing happened.

Does this resonate with you?

It’s not easy to come to terms with a breakdown in a relationship particularly if the other person made the choice to do what they did. The trust that you once had for this person will have gone completely and it’s not easy to learn to trust that person again for fear that they will repeat the behaviour and you will end up feeling hurt again.

The problem with feeling hurt or resentment or anger about the situation is that the only person who is being affected is you.  By re-living the experience day after day you are keeping what happened in the past alive in the present.  You are allowing that negative experience to affect you now.  The thoughts that you have now not only create your current reality they also create your future.  What you focus on expands.  You are creating more negativity in your life.

How to break the pattern

1. You need to want to move on.
2. Write a letter to the person telling them how you feel, write down all the things you would like to say to them, really allow all your emotions and thoughts to flow out onto the paper.  Once the letter is written you can burn it.  You are not going to actually send it to the person.  This works really well for people who have passed away and you didn’t get a chance to speak with them.
3. To be able to move on you need to forgive the person.  Straight away I hear you saying ‘There’s no way I can forgive’.  And if you feel strongly about that then Yes you are absolutely right, you won’t choose to forgive and you will stay stuck where you are.  Forgiveness is that powerful.  Let me explain I am not asking you to actually speak to the person concerned, although you can if you wish.  The first step is to forgive the person in your mind and then out loud.  Says the words and then let go.
4. Repeat the process if necessary.
5. Choose to think positive thoughts about your life.  Start to dream of the life that you want.

It’s time for you to stop allowing that person to continue to influence your life in a negative way.


It's time for you to enjoy the process of life,



Noelyne
P.S. Sign up for my Free Report to Boost Your Confidence Now. Just enter your name and e-mail in the boxes for instant download.

Feeling irritated?

A Message from Noelyne...

Do you regularly feel irritated by other peoples behaviour?  Something they do or say makes you feel tense inside?  The feeling you get can get in the way of your peace of mind, cause you to lose sleep and feel bad tempered.

It often happens when your tolerance levels are lowered.  When you work long hours and take on too many tasks in a day.  When you push yourself beyond your limits so far that you don't realise that you are short tempered.  So the slightest thing can cause you to feel irritated.  In the normal scheme of things when you are relaxed and chilled out about life you probably wouldn't take any notice of what had happened.

The next time you snap at someone or you get that  feeling of wanting to burst inside then take a deep breath and walk away.  The consequences of not doing this can last a long time.

Go for a walk, make a cup of tea, take the dog out. Do something to take your mind off the little thing that irritated you.

Smile and be happy.  Think of all the things you have to be grateful about.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report on How to Overcome Your Fears

Do you trust your partner?

A Message from Noelyne...

Trust can make or break a relationship whether it's intimate relationships or working relationships.  A lack a trust will undermine the effectiveness of that relationship.

What needs to happen for you to no longer trust your partner?  It's normally if one of your rules of life is broken or a boundary crossed.  Something that you value or is important to you and the other person has shown no respect for.  Once that boundary is crossed it creates a drop in the level of trust.  Can you partially trust someone?  Probably not.  It's an all or nothing.  You can though rebuild trust in a relationship.  Forgive and forget.  Not easy in some situations.  It depends on the value or boundary that;s been crossed and how important it is to you.  Where you are unable to forgive and forget then ultimately the relationship will break down or at the very least will suffer.

Here's an approach for you

Trust the person unless you have evidence to suggest otherwise.  If so, confront the person to check your perception of the situation.

The universe will provide information for anything you need to know about.  Otherwise just get on with your life and have fun.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a Free copy of my Special Report on How to Overcome Your Fears Now.

Too Much Stress

A Message from Noelyne....

Are you feeling stressed?  Anxious? Irritated? Out of sorts with yourself and your life?  You probably have too much going on at once.  Too many problems happening at the same time.  Too many things that are causing you concern.  Financial concerns, relationship issues, keeping up with the household chores, children misbehaving.....

When a problem presents itself on it's own you can normally handle the situation.  When too many problems happen at once or there's a build up of things that it gets out of control and you start to lose the plot.  Some pressure is good for you as it keeps you motivated and keeps life interesting.  Stops you from getting bored.  However, when you have too much pressure then it can be a problem.  The amount of stress that you deal with increases which has an adverse effect on your health.  Your emotional and physical state deteriorates and you feel out of control.  Relationships suffer and it's downhill from there.

Recognising when this is happening is the first step to handling the situation.  Once you are aware of what's happening you can take responsibility for change.  Review what's happening and make a plan for the action that you need to take.  Ask for help, talk to someone.  Don't suffer on your own.

It will be worth it in the end,

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Easily Overcome Your Fears Now with my Free Special Report.  Click here to download

A Message from Noelyne...

How do you react if someone over steps your boundaries or makes an inappropriate comment towards you?   Do you feel anxious or awkward?  Do you get upset inside and tight lipped?  Does your jaw clench together?

Do you ignore your body and feel shocked by someone’s poor behaviour that you fail to address it?  Do you swallow your anger and suppress your feelings?  Do you remain silent and then end up giving yourself a hard time for not answering back or saying something?

If someone is nasty or rude to you and you fail to take action, you give other people permission to treat you badly.   Doing this will eat away at your self esteem and will often lead you feeling resentful and hurt.

Do you feel really uncomfortable in speaking up?  Were you taught that keeping your mouth shut was in fact a safer option?  Do you fail to speak up because you fear the other person will think badly of you or they may end up hurting their feelings?  Well what about your own feelings?  If you are too sensitive to other people’s feelings, you are actually being insensitive to your own.   Standing up for yourself and using you voice is a great way to empower yourself and show other people how you deserve to be treated.


Would you like to feel confident and speak up the next time someone says something to you that is unacceptable?  Check out my on-line Personal Development Programme, guaranteed to help you set your boundaries and stop anyone crossing them ever again.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Why not request a copy of my Free Special Report to get you started now.  Click Here

Starting Over without Him 10, Letting Go

A Message from Noelyne....

Letting go of a relationship that is over is one of the hardest things to do when starting over without him.  You keep thinking of all the good times and wish you could have those back.  The sense of loss can almost be too much and you think that you will never be happy again.  You don't want to let go for fear of never finding any happiness in a relationship again.  In fact the thought of starting a new relationship may make you feel quite sick and want to run for the duvet covers.  So not letting go is a way of keeping the dream and hope alive.  It's a way of avoiding acceptance of the situation and of not starting over without him.  If this is where you are right now then take a look at the words on the video and listen to the song lyrics.  Be warned you may need a box of tissues.




I noticed one response 'drowning yourself in tears is a waste of time'. And that may be the case for some people. You can get to a point where you feel you have cried enough and that you never want to cry again so if you continue to cry it can have a negative effect. However, in my world crying is a great way of letting go of the emotions that build up inside during and after a breakdown of a relationship. So go ahead and cry and know that it is part of letting go and the healing process. It's an important part of starting over without him.

All the best,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. If you have a fear of letting go request a copy of my Free Special Report by entering your name and e-mail address here

Starting Over Without Him 9

Image via Wikipedia

A Message from Noelyne....


It's very easy when you have just come out of a long term relationship and you are starting over without him, to allow anger and resentment about what has happened to occupy your mind most of the time.  It's OK to feel angry about the breakdown of a relationship that you thought was going to last forever.  There's bound to be some resentment flying around too.  These are quite normal emotions.  However, if you hold onto that anger and resentment for too long the only person who suffers is you.  You turn yourself into a victim, your physiology and approach to life is affected every time you feel the anger and resentment and eventually you are no longer the sort of person people want to be around.

Tip 9 - Learn to let go of the anger and resentment.


So go ahead and get angry, scream and shout and thump the pillows and get it out of your system and then LET GO of the anger and resentment.  That way you can choose to start to feel happy about starting all over.  When you are happy and content with yourself, your physiology changes and you become more attractive again.  New things and experiences and new people will come into your life.  It might take a while before you remember to choose to be happy however, every time you catch yourself dwelling on the past, stop the thought and focus on something else.  Go do something you love to do and put your mind to more resourceful thoughts.


If you want more tips on overcoming life's challenges check my on-line membership club here


Enjoy the process of life,


Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 6

A Message from Noelyne...

I mentioned  setting off a chain of events once you are in the posityion of starting over without him.  Whether it's you who made the decision to end the relationship or your partner, once the decision is made and both of you know, things will not be the same again.

Tip 6 - Communication is key.


You may be fearful of telling your family and friends however, you will need to do it.  The sooner the better.

If there are children involved you need to plan and think carefully about what to say and when to tell them.  They will need reassurance from both of you, that they are still loved and that it is not their fault.  Explain what will happen next and where they will live.  Children need stability and boundaries so make sure you plan ahead and that both you and your partner are in agreement.  Maintain a strong relationship for the children even though you are separating.  Put your own needs and emotions to one side and keep the children's interests first and foremost.

Telling the rest of your family is upsetting too.  They will want to know the reason for the breakdown of the marriage to help them understand and to find someone to blame.  You don't have to tell them everything. You may even want to discuss with your partner what you will say.  Of course this very much depends on whether there is still any trust between you and your partner.  Your family may well feel hurt particularly if you were all very close.  You are going through a massive change in your life which has an impact on the people closest to you.  Their lives will change too. Be as open as possible with everyone and talk to each other.


Telling friends as soon as possible is important too as you will need your network of people to support you through the next stage of your life.  Be prepared to lose friends who were joint friends, people you knew as a couple.  Most people will side with the original friend regardless of the reason for the relationship breakdown, which by the way is private between you and your ex.  Friends don't need to know however, they will be curious.  Be prepared as to what you will say.  You may well be feeling hurt and wanting to lash out at your partner however, this is not the best strategy and does not show you in a good light.  And anyway by repeating what happened over and over you are reliving the past and allowing what happened to affect you now.  Learn to let go of the past and focus on having fun now so that you create a better future for you and your family.

The sooner you start to talk to people about the decision to end the relationship, the sooneryou will start all over without him.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 5

Image via Wikipedia

A Message from Noelyne...

Building a support network of family and friends who you trust is essential when starting over without him.  This may be challenging particularly if you have been in a long term relationship.  You may have lost touch with your own friends or maybe you were in a realtionship where your partner was your life.  You spent your free time with him and chose not to continue your friendships.  If this is the case you will be feeling very lonely and isolated and fearful of going out and meeting people again.

Step 5 - Build your network of friends. 

Once you decide to build up your network of friends you will start to become aware of the opportunities around you.  You'll bump into people you've not seen for a while and find that their circumstances may well have changed.  This happened to me.  I was sat having a coffee reading a paper when an old friend who I had lost touch with walked in. I subsequently found out that her marriage had also ended.  We arranged to go out for a drink and 10 years later we still meet up regularly even though she has re-married and I am in a long term relationship again.  We helped each other through the bad times, meeting regularly, weekends and holidays together and spent two christmases together too.


Having to start over again taught me a valuable lesson about friendship.  Value your friendships, nurture them and never let them go.  Make regular deposits into the friendship bank account so that if you need to make withdrawals the friendship will still be strong.


Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones


P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 4

A Message from Noelyne....


Have you found yourself so full of pain and sadness and guilt and doubt about having ended the relationship that you don't think you can continue?  That's quite normal too and the best thing is to go through the pain.  Allow yourself to feel it and sob your heart out.  If you feel like sitting on the kitchen floor and crying your eyes out then do it.  It's your bodies way of dealing with the emotion. You will feel so much better afterwards.  You may feel a sense of peace after a good cry and clarity.

Step 4  - Allow yourself to feel the pain.

Don't bottle it up as this can cause dis-ease in your body in the form of headaches, colds, ulcers etc.  So allow yourself to cry whenever you need to.  You will get to a stage when you don't need to cry about the loss of the relationship.  It's all part of the healing process.

If you have a support network of friends then reach out to one of them by picking up the telephone for a chat.  Friends are so important at any time and even more so when a relationship ends.  Be prepared to lose the friends who knew you because you were in a relationship though.  Friends you had as a couple rarely stay in touch with you both.  They tend to remain loyal to the original friend.

If you don't have a strong network of friends it's important to start reaching out and build that network.  Look up people you have not seen for a while and give them a call.  Imagine building a network of friends.  Ask the universe to send friendly people to you.  When I was at a low point after my marriage ended and I had lost touch with most of my friends I asked the universe to send me some friendly people.  The next day I got an invitation to a party from the lady who lived across the street.

Join me again for further tips on starting over without him,

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. You can get a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 2

A Message from Noelyne...

So you've made the decision to start over without him or had the decision made for you.  You're dealing with all the emotions flying around and trying to hold it together for your children, family or friends.  You are angry about having to start over without him as this is not what you wanted.  You're feeling sorry for yourself and a bit of a failure.  You're probably worried about what other people will think of you.  You hate the thought of having to date someone again and go through it all again although a part of you wants to get back at him and to feel special again.

Now is not the time to get involved with someone else whether you have or haven't got children.  Now is the time to invest some tender loving care in yourself.  By all means go out with friends and have fun, flirt a little so that you start to feel attractive again, but don't rush.


Step 2 - Take a deep breath and know that the turmoil you are feeling is quite normal.  You will get through it!

You are going through a huge change in your life. Feeling scared, panicky, guilty, sad, doubtful and angry are all understandable emotions.  It will take time to overcome these emotions and this will differ from person to person.  It is said that the first 6 days after a relationship ends are the worst emotionally.  Once you have survived these the next 6 weeks will be challenging and you will be up and down.  One moment knowing for sure that this is the best thing, the next wishing he was back in your life.  You will feel lonely and sad and then happy that you have made the right decision.  You may be tempted to take him back into your life to ease the pain.  Stop!  Remind yourself about the decision you made and the reasons for that decision.


All quite confusing at times.  It's best if you have made a clean break so that you can focus on you.  If you have to see your partner perhaps because there are children involved then be prepared for continuing emotional turmoil.  You will have to learn to cope with seeing him and learn how to not let it affect you adversely.  The only think you can control is your reaction to what happens.  You have no control over his behaviour, that's his choice however, you can choose not to get upset by whatever he says or does.


At the end of the first 6 months after the relationship ends you will be in a far better place to start making good decisions about what you are going to do with the next stage of your life.  You will truly be ready to start over without him.  6 months seems like a long time however, it's 6 months that you are investing in you and you will get huge return on your investment later on.

More tips next time on how to start over without him,

Noelyne Jones




P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him

A Message from Noelyne..

I've decide to start a new series of blogs specifically aimed at helping you start over without him.  If you are just out of a relationship or at the end of the relationship but haven't made the final break yet for fear of what might happen then the series will give you plenty of advice and support through the transition of starting over again without the man in your life.  It will help you overcome your fear and know that you can handle whatever happens.

This is not about saving a relationship I am talking about when the relationship is over.  You have done absolutely everything possible to make the relationship work however,it's just not happening.  Or your partner has done something that means you can no longer stay in the relationship.  Or your partner has walked out on the relationship to follow a different path.

The biggest fears can be about how you will manage emotionally, financially and practically i.e. where will you live, who will fix the leaking tap, who will you turn to?

Abba's song Knowing me, Knowing you has the lyrics  'Breaking up is never easy'.  Guess what?  In my experience it's very true.  So please please make sure you are doing the best thing for you by ending the relationship, that's if you have a choice.

Step 1 - Be sure that the relationship is really over.

There will be plenty of people ready to give you advice however, when it comes down to it you are the only one who knows in your heart what is right for you.  If you need to talk it through with someone then get advice or support from an independent person such as a relationship coach or marriage guidance counsellor.  They will have only your interests at heart and will want the best for you.  I'm not saying that your friends and family don't however, they are often too emotionally involved and may have fears of their own that influence their advice.

When I realised that my first significant relationship was no longer what I really wanted it took around 12 months before I actually ended it.  I had lots of fear going on however, I suppose I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing for everyone.  I was fearful of hurting people.  And in the end my boyfriend took an overdose shortly after I ended the relationship.  Thankfully he survived.

My biggest fear when deciding to end my marriage was the effect it would have on both families.  They loved both me and my husband.  We all enjoyed each others company and spent holidays together.  I put off the inevitable until I could no longer stay in the relationship.  Have you been in that situation where you know you need to do something yet something keeps putting you off so it drags on and on?  You are actually stopping both yourself and the other people from starting to rebuild their lives.

I discovered something that my husband had hidden from me for the 15 years we were together and it was not something that I could live with.  In the end the decision was easy to make.  However, that started a new set of fears.  How was I going to tell him?  I remember searching the internet for advice and as a result asked my husband to go for a walk so that we were on neutral territory.  It was the worst walk of my life.  I felt sick at the thought of how he would react and his inevitable sadness and possible anger.  It was a very difficult time and of course having had the conversation it sets things in motion.  Thinsg would not be the same again.  It sets off a chain of events.

I'll talk more about those chain of events next time.

Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report How to Overcome Your Fears

Being let down by other people

A Message from Noelyne...

Do you get frustrated when you can't complete a task? When you've got things outstanding, loose ends to tie up? You've done everything that you can and the only reason you can't complete it is because other people are involved and they are not doing their tasks on time.  They are letting you down.  When someone has promised they will do something by a certain date and then don't, how does that make you feel?

It's disappointing isn't it and your level of trust in them plummets.  You don't want to be feeling the way you do and you start to get annoyed at the person for doing this.  It starts to eat away at you, you go over things and start to wish you had taken different action so that you may have got a different result.  And yes it's a good opportunity to learn from your experience.  However, you are where you are and it's out of your control until the other person takes the action they have agreed to.

At such times it can be quite easy to start blaming the other person particularly if they are not communicating regularly with you.  You start to think the worst of them which leads to a change in your behaviour towards them and ultimately a breakdown in the relationship, particularly where you no longer trust them.  Once the relationship has broken down it can be challenging to retrieve so if you are dependent on this person it is always best to maintain good communications where possible. 

The solution? Obviously it depends on the circumstances.

Do nothing and wait for the person to act.
Are you totally dependent on this person?  Is there someone else who could help?
Consider if there is another way of getting what you want
Accept the situation and manage your fear of what might or might not happen.

Once they have done what you need then you can consider your options as to whether you still wish to have this person in your life.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report on How to Overcome your fears easily.  Click here to enter your name and e-mail to download

Fear of Losing Control

A Message from Noelyne...

Recently, I was considering the Fear of Losing Control and how that impacts on your life.  I was reflecting on aspects of my life and in particular my relationships with significant partners, ex-husband and current partner.  It struck me that I enjoy being in control of the finances, the home, the food, the garden...in fact most things.

I've not always been in total control as when I was married it was a joint decision making process and in fact my ex made a lot of the major decisions and generally took control and solved problems.  I was quite dependant on him.  When the marriage fell apart I had huge fears about being on my own and managing tasks and making decisions and in particular being financially secure.  It was a scary time.  However, I overcome the fears and came through with flying colours.  Although a side effect is that I like to be in control.  I really enjoy makng my own decisions and not having to consult anyone else.  It's much easier.  When you are faced with having to make joint decisions again it can make you fearful.  That fear of losing control arises.  But what does that mean?  What is that you are fearful of losing control of?

The problem is that making decisions on your own when you are in a relationship is not a good thing.  If you make major decisions without consulting the other person they are highly likely to not be best pleased and can be quite hurt or angry.  Imagine if the other person did that to you....would you like it?  So why would you expect the other person to be OK with it? It can lead to a breakdown in the relationship or even the end of a relationship.

Have you experienced anything like this?  Do you have a fear of losing control and how does that affect your behaviour in relationships?  This can also surface in relationships with colleagues and friends.

Do let me know your thoughts,

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Now is a good time to request a copy of my Free Special Report on How to Easily Overcome your Fears Click here to enter your name and e-mail to download.

Why do Friendships end?

A message from Noelyne...

Feeling upset about a friendship that has ended and you don't know why?  Wondering what you've done to cause the friendship to end?

Have you ever heard the saying that people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime?

If it's for a reason then you or they have something to learn, something you need help with or that you can help them with. Perhaps you have a problem that needs to be solved. A fear to overcome or help moving a project forward.  When you ask for help you normally receive it perhaps by a chance meeting or a phone call or by discovering a new piece of information whilst browsing the Internet or in the library.

You may be unhappy in your job and a chance meeting opens up a new opportunity. You may have problems with a relationship and you meet someone who gives you advice which helps you see it from a different perspective.  Whoever you meet for a reason stays as long as you need help. Once you or they have learned all they need to they move on.

When someone comes into your life for a season it's normally due to the circumstances for example, friendships made on holiday, or in college or acquaintances from clubs or colleagues at a place of work.  They are in your life for as long as you or they stay at the place, organisation or club etc. The people you make relationships with due to circumstances and when those change you lose touch.

And then there are the people who will always be on your life no matter what happens. The childhood friendships, your family your life partner, the people you may not see for a while but when you do it's as though you pick up where you left off.

It's your own personal network of supportive people who you can turn to when you want.  The amazing thing is that when you need help and you ask the universe, someone will turn up to help you out. 

I've also learned not to get upset when people move on and don't stay in touch.  Don't take it personally as it will be because you or they have learned what they needed.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Have you requested my Free Special Report Click here to enter your name and e-mail to download now.

How to Overcome Anything Toolkit - Wealth

A Message from Noelyne.....

How wealthy do you feel?  What does wealth mean to you? 
How does it make you feel when you think about wealth?

Your responses to the above questions can be very revealing about your relationship with wealth and what it means to you.

For many it's about how much money they have?  And yes of course everyone needs money to live, for food, water and the essentials of life.  After that your relationship with money with often dictate how much or how little you have in your life.

For other's wealth is about the number of friends, family and the quality of their relationships.  The quality of the life they lead no matter how much or little money.

So how wealthy are you?  How satisfied are you with the amount of wealth that you have?  On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being low and 10 being highly satisifed give yourself a rating now.

If you scored 7 and above then well done, you have a healthy approach to wealth.  If you scored less than 6 then what is it that puts you at that score?  Then look at what you need to do to improve the score.

I cover attracting more wealth into your life in my membership site which will be launched soon.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report on How to Overcome Your Fears in less than 7 Days' Click here