How To Control Emotions

Hello,

I've recently been on holiday with my 79 year old Mum, who like most elderly Mum's never want to be a bother or cause any fuss... So why is it so stressful and why so I struggle to control my emotions when I am with her.  I find myself getting annoyed or irritated by her behaviour.  When she tries her best not to make a fuss it actually increases my frustration.  I do my best not to show my feelings as I don't want to upset her and end up feeling sad myself.  It's been the same every time I spend a full week with her.

Thankfully for me I was reading a book by Joyce Meyer called 'Never Give Up'.  I was attracted to this book as I've had a tendency to start things and then not finish them. It was an ideal book for me and I learned a considerable amount about the importance of persistence and continuing to take action when you totally believe in what you are doing.

In one of the chapters it referred to the situation I have just described about how I feel when I am with my Mum.  The advice given is that when you feel a negative emotion towards someone you need to look within yourself for the reason for the emotion.  I cannot start to tell you how powerful this is. It made me break the habit I had got into of blaming my Mum for her behaviour.  Instead I looked at why I was irritated with the way she behaves and I can tell you that I uncovered some of my own fears and beliefs about myself, my own behaviour.  It also made me face up to how I still feel about significant life events that happened when I was a child.  I was quite amazed! I thought I had dealt with all that stuff particularly am I am a personal development expert!  From then on the moment I started to feel a negative emotion towards my Mum I asked myself the question "What's causing this within me?" Not only did that thought stop the negative emotion it freed me up to be happy. 

And of course, it all had an impact on my Mum.  Behaviour breeds behaviour.  My behaviour had changed which affected her. 

To end a long story... we had a very enjoyable holiday!

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne

P.S. She wants to go to Crete and Turkey next year now!!

How to do something when you don't really feel like it.

A Message from Noelyne...

Do you ever find it difficult to do the most important task of the day?  You just don't feel like taking any action whatsoever.  It's easier to crawl back under the duvet or just stay in and watch TV.

Here's what I do to overcome those 'don't want to do anything today' feelings.

Remind yourself of your reason why.

That's it! 

When you have a strong enough reason why you will overcome any negative feelings to take the action.  That's the key.  A strong reason why, desire or passion.  If you don't have a strong desire for something then it's not easy to overcome those negative don't want to do whatever it takes.

So go revisit your reason why and make sure it's compelling.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

What is Making you Feel Sad?

A Message from Noelyne...

You have what you want in life yet you still feel down in the dumps and sad.  The muscles in your face seem to be stuck in miserable mode and they are too heavy to lift.  You struggle to bring a smile to your face.  You know you should feel happy and thankful for all that you have.  An attitude of gratitude is the best one to have but right now you really can't be doing with feeling thankful.  You just want to be sad and fed up.  Does this sound familiar?  How often does this happen for you?  Daily, weekly, every month or is it seasonal?

How to Overcome the Dumps

1.  Sit down and work out what it is that causing you to choose to feel this way.  What exactly are you sad or unhappy about?  Get curious about your emotional state.  Write all of the things that are bothering you on a piece of paper.  You will probably have quite a few things some important and others insignificant.  Just let the pen flow.

2.  Next write all the things you are happy about in your life.

3.  What would you like to happen today? Choose two things that you would like the universe to provide for you today and then release your request.

4. Go about your daily tasks.

The thinsg that were bringing you down won't seem so important now.  Any that are important need to be on your list of things to do today.  Make a plan and get to it.  If they are not important cross them off your list and stop allowing them to get you down.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Overcome Your Fears Now with my Free Special Report.  Click here

Is your lack of success due to the people in your life?

A Message from Noelyne...

Do you have someone in your life who is unable to make up their mind what to do?  Does your partner decide to do something and then changes their mind at the last minute? Do you end up feeling frustrated and not doing what you want to do?  Are you so eager to please your partner or family and so want to spend time with them that you tolerate their behaviour only to end up disappointed and irritated with yourself?

The people in your life have a massive impact on the quality of your life.  Their thoughts, beliefs and behaviour affect your emotional state, the decisions you make and the results you get in life.  If you have very supportive, encouraging people who want the best for you and accept you for who you are without judgement, it can be very empowering for you.  The opposite can be very destructive.

If you are not getting the results that you want is it due to allowing yourself to be influenced by the people in your life?  Be honest with yourself as anything less than honesty is not honesty is it?  The only person you deceive is yourself.  Take a good look at your relationships with your nearest and dearest.  Are you doing what you want to do or what they think you should be doing?  How happy are you with your life?

The next tiem your partner or family cannot make up their minds what to do, take a few minutes to decide what you would like to do and then do it.  Don't allow other people to reduce the quality of your life.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here and see how you can overcome your fears now.

There's a reason for everything

A Message from Noelyne...

If you have been following me and reading my blog over the past few days you will know that I am learning to handle an addition to the family in the form of a nine week old pup.  You will also know that I didn't expect to be doing the caring and house training and other training.  I though that my partner and the boys would be doing that.

Now that I have accepted my role I am finding that the experience is very enjoyable and I am also learning new things about myself.  I got angry and frustrated initially when the pup wouldn't do what I wanted.  I have rarely been abgry in my life and in fact find it difficult to get in touch with that emotion no matter what has happened.  However, a seven week old pup brough that out in me and of course when you are dealing with a pup you have to learn to control that emotion otherwise it can escalate the unacceptable behaviour.

I'm reading and researching all about communicating with a pup and it's amazing to se how quickly she progresses.  I even went to a puppy party on Monday at the local vets clinic where they do a little socialisation and training.  The other pups were older than Ellie so were a little more under control.  Now that I am reassured and have a few new tips I am much more confident when communicating with the pup.  When I am confident and calm then so is the pup.  I know what to do once she starts to misbehave and how to stop her from continuing the poor behaviour without shouting, getting angry or touching her.

What I have noticed though is that having got in touch with the anger emotion I am no longer so tolerant of other people's behaviour.  For example, I bought a red berry muffin from the fresh bakery of the supermarket only to find that it was frozen in the middle and so could not eat it.  My normal reaction would have been to let it defrost and forget all about it.  However, I was so angry and disappointed at not being able to eat it staright awayI decided to write to the company.  This resulted in an apology, a reassurance that the branch manager had been contacted and an additional 1000 points on my card.

There have been other minor incidents that would not have affected me however, now I am much more aware of taking action when things are not to the standard that I expect.  It's not just about me because as I take action and get things changed then it stops other people from receiving poor customer service.

So there's a reason fro everything and I am not only learning to communicate with an animal I am also learning about myself and improving my own behaviour.

Fantastic!

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here www.howtoovercomeyourfears.com

Starting Over Without Him 9

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A Message from Noelyne....


It's very easy when you have just come out of a long term relationship and you are starting over without him, to allow anger and resentment about what has happened to occupy your mind most of the time.  It's OK to feel angry about the breakdown of a relationship that you thought was going to last forever.  There's bound to be some resentment flying around too.  These are quite normal emotions.  However, if you hold onto that anger and resentment for too long the only person who suffers is you.  You turn yourself into a victim, your physiology and approach to life is affected every time you feel the anger and resentment and eventually you are no longer the sort of person people want to be around.

Tip 9 - Learn to let go of the anger and resentment.


So go ahead and get angry, scream and shout and thump the pillows and get it out of your system and then LET GO of the anger and resentment.  That way you can choose to start to feel happy about starting all over.  When you are happy and content with yourself, your physiology changes and you become more attractive again.  New things and experiences and new people will come into your life.  It might take a while before you remember to choose to be happy however, every time you catch yourself dwelling on the past, stop the thought and focus on something else.  Go do something you love to do and put your mind to more resourceful thoughts.


If you want more tips on overcoming life's challenges check my on-line membership club here


Enjoy the process of life,


Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 2

A Message from Noelyne...

So you've made the decision to start over without him or had the decision made for you.  You're dealing with all the emotions flying around and trying to hold it together for your children, family or friends.  You are angry about having to start over without him as this is not what you wanted.  You're feeling sorry for yourself and a bit of a failure.  You're probably worried about what other people will think of you.  You hate the thought of having to date someone again and go through it all again although a part of you wants to get back at him and to feel special again.

Now is not the time to get involved with someone else whether you have or haven't got children.  Now is the time to invest some tender loving care in yourself.  By all means go out with friends and have fun, flirt a little so that you start to feel attractive again, but don't rush.


Step 2 - Take a deep breath and know that the turmoil you are feeling is quite normal.  You will get through it!

You are going through a huge change in your life. Feeling scared, panicky, guilty, sad, doubtful and angry are all understandable emotions.  It will take time to overcome these emotions and this will differ from person to person.  It is said that the first 6 days after a relationship ends are the worst emotionally.  Once you have survived these the next 6 weeks will be challenging and you will be up and down.  One moment knowing for sure that this is the best thing, the next wishing he was back in your life.  You will feel lonely and sad and then happy that you have made the right decision.  You may be tempted to take him back into your life to ease the pain.  Stop!  Remind yourself about the decision you made and the reasons for that decision.


All quite confusing at times.  It's best if you have made a clean break so that you can focus on you.  If you have to see your partner perhaps because there are children involved then be prepared for continuing emotional turmoil.  You will have to learn to cope with seeing him and learn how to not let it affect you adversely.  The only think you can control is your reaction to what happens.  You have no control over his behaviour, that's his choice however, you can choose not to get upset by whatever he says or does.


At the end of the first 6 months after the relationship ends you will be in a far better place to start making good decisions about what you are going to do with the next stage of your life.  You will truly be ready to start over without him.  6 months seems like a long time however, it's 6 months that you are investing in you and you will get huge return on your investment later on.

More tips next time on how to start over without him,

Noelyne Jones




P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Overcoming Frustration of Losing a Word Document

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A Message from Noelyne....

Do you remember that sinking feeling when you realise that the work that you have spent hours completing has not saved correctly? You search all your folders desperately looking for the file.  You search all directories even though you know there is no way that it will be in the G: drive...all to no avail?  For a while you are in denial and keep telling yourself that it must be there somewhere, surely?  Eventually the reality starts to seep through and then the frustration builds into panic and annoyance at the thought of having to do it all again.  

Yesterday I spent all day designing a Facilitator Brief to accompany a new Training course.  I kept pressing save regularly because learning from experience I wanted to avoid losing any work or having to redo it.  I updated my client at the end of the day feeling quite proud of myself as to how much I had achieved, including mastering the required template.

So can you imagine my horror this morning as it slowly dawned on me that the word document that I thought I had so carefully saved was no where to be found.  Have you ever done that?  It sends you into a panic and sick feeling and then tears of frustration.  You don't think you can face having to do it again and want to give in there and then.  You feel totally frustrated and helpless because you know there is absolutely nothing you can do to retrieve the document.  If you know something that I don't please comment below.

Yet you know that you have to overcome the frustration.  You have to get over your feelings of annoyance and stupidity and resign yourself to the fact that it has to be reworked.  So I notified my client of my superb mistake and that there was a chance that I would not make the deadline as a result.  Better to be upfront and honest about it.  Own up to my mistake.  Then set about starting all over.  I struggled to overcome the frustration initially as my brain sort of went into a 'I don't want to do this mode' however, once I got over that the actual task second timr round was much easier.  I was now familiar with the content, design and layout so it took far less time to complete.  It made me look at the source documents again and I spotted things I had missed first time round.  The finished product was far superior to the original and what's more I completed it on time.

A big lesson was learned about saving files contained originally in a zip file....it doesn't!  You need to extract them and save as.  I'm now and expert in this design and topic.  By the way if you do lose a document try these options to recover it before you start over: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/316951

The lesson is never ever give up no matter how much you want to.  If it's worth doing you will get your rewards.  Overcome your frustration and just do it!

Although I don't recommend this as a learning approach.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

How to Overcome Emotional Eating

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A Message from Noelyne...

How to Overcome Emotional Eating

Eating is a part of life.  Your body gets its nutrients from food.  Sometimes we can go overboard with our eating habits and it can result in gaining weight.  One issue with food is emotional eating. 

The problem of emotional eating may end with the scale but it begins in the mind.  Stress takes its toll on your life.  When your defenses are compromised your health takes a hit and so do your emotions. 

Everyone has good days and bad days.  How you deal with the bad ones brings emotional eating into play.  You look for comfort for your hurts.  People who turn to food for comfort find a coping mechanism that won’t judge them, hurt them or tell them “no.” To complicate the issue, eating pleasurable foods can stimulate the release of endorphins just like exercise.  So, after you eat, you feel better.

Emotional eaters use food to relieve stress.  They hide behind the food instead of seeking solutions to the problems.  This is not uncommon when the stressor is something horrible such as physical abuse or a death.

But, how do you know you are using food in this way?  The first sign is obvious.  You will gain weight if you eat too much.  In light of the weight gain, examine other areas of your life:

* Have you been under stress lately at work or at home?
* Has anything traumatic happened in the last year?
* Are you dealing with a problem but haven’t found a solution?

Answering “yes” to any of these questions could mean that you are an emotional eater.  You eat but you are not necessarily hungry at the time.  The foods that you choose are what we term “comfort foods”:

* High fat foods like French fries, fried foods
* High carb foods like macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes
* Sugary foods like ice cream, donuts, cookies, cake

There is help for emotional eaters.  The first step is recognizing that you have a problem.  You’ll experience feelings of helplessness and guilt.  The guilt is over potentially ruining your health and the helplessness lies in the fact that you don’t see a way out.

Secondly, seek counseling.  There are many types of counselors out there that can meet your need.  Emotional eating has nothing to do with dieting or changing your eating habits but gaining control over your emotions. 

A counselor might suggest things like visualization, practicing problem solving skills, relaxation techniques and family support.  Visualization helps you to see your problems in a realistic way and not blown out of proportion.  You will also learn to see food as nutrition for the body and not an emotional crutch.

Thirdly, your family can learn your triggers for stress and be on the lookout for changes in your eating habits.  They can help you be aware of the foods you are eating, assist you in making healthy food choices and exercise along with you.  Proper diet and exercise increases immunity, blood flow and positive thinking.  Yoga enhances the mind/body connection so you don’t eat when you aren’t hungry.

Finding new ways to solve your problems and deal with stress will push food out of the equation.  You’ll feel good about finding solutions which will replace the dependence on food.  

Helping you stay happy and healthy,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Get a copy of my Free Special Report here

How to Easily Overcome Your Fears in less than 10 minutes

A Message from Noelyne...

Lets clarify what I mean by fears.  One dictionary definition states 'be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; "I fear she might get aggressive".'
It's a combination of a feeling and thought that you have about an unknown situation based on your belief or preconceptions of what might happen in the future.  It can be based on a previous bad experience or from listening to others

In some situations the feeling of fear that you get is an instinctive response to a threatening situation, your intuition telling you that something is not right and that you need to be wary or even remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes described as the fight or flight response.  This is a positive use for fear as it protects you from harm.

The fear I want to consider in this article is the feeling or emotion that causes you to decide not to take action.  The sort of fear that gets in the way of you becoming all that you can be e.g. not applying for a new job, not speaking up for yourself at a meeting, not putting forward your ideas at home or work, not confronting someone about a problem they have caused, not volunteering to do a presentation for your employer... It's an adverse emotion that stops you moving forward and getting  the life that you really want.

The great thing is that once you admit that you are afraid it's quite easy to overcome those fears.

The first thing you need to do is:

Believe that you can overcome your fears!

This is vital to your success.  If you believe that you can’t overcome your fears then guess what? You won’t!  Your beliefs about yourself and your life create the life that you have.  What you believe to be true affects you every day and minute of your life.  If you are holding back or not being as successful as you would like to be it will be due to a belief that you have about the situation or yourself.

The awesome thing is that a belief can be changed.

So what is a belief? 

Beliefs are thoughts that you hold to be true about yourself and your life.  There are many beliefs that we all hold which will be the same for example, I believe that the sun rises and sets every day.  I believe that water evaporates to form clouds which rise over mountains and causes rain to fall.  These are the sort of beliefs that will not change. 

Where do beliefs come from?

Your beliefs are formed as a result of your education, your religion, your parents, your experiences, the media and many more.  Each individual person has very different upbringing and experiences which makes you who you are.  Each individual will have different beliefs and a different view of the world and depending on the experiences, these beliefs could be positive and resourceful or negative and un-resourceful.

Which of the following two possible beliefs do you think is more likely to result in a positive confident outgoing successful person?
1. ‘It’s a big wide scary world out there full of people out to manipulate and scheme against you and grab your money’. Or
2. ‘It’s a fantastic world filled with an abundance of opportunity and supportive people’. 

If you don't get that it's 2. then this article is not for you.

Lets assume that you have accepted that your fear is holding you back and that you believe that you can overcome your fears.

You are now ready to move to the next level.

The Power of your thoughts

The thought of doing whatever it is that you want to do is often far worse than the reality.  Think about a time when you nearly didn't do something because of how afraid, sick or fearful you felt.  Did it turn out to be as bad as you thought? 
The majority of the time it won't be.  If it does at least you can make an informed decision based on experience rather than just your thoughts as to whether you wish to proceed with that course of action.

The thought that you have is normally based on your preconception of what might happen.  Your mind starts to go into protective mode and imagine all sorts of negative outcomes all aimed at keeping you safe and in your comfort zone. 
This of course is quite acceptable if you want to stay where you are doing the same old thing day after day.

To get what you want in life, to grow and improve you need to learn to overcome that feeling of fear and go out and do it. 
To do this you need to become aware of the negative thoughts and then change them. Instead of thinking that everything will go pear shaped so there's no point in giving it a go, you need to imagine a positive outcome, the outcome that you really want. 

For example, you have been asked to make a presentation at a conference and you know that it is a great opportunity however, your fear of public speaking stops you from accepting.  The pictures you have in your mind currently are you standing up on stage stuttering, sweating profusely, tripping over the wires, the powerpoint not working etc etc. So much so that you decide not to do it. 

A colleague with far less experience than you accepts, does a reasonable job and gets promoted as a result!  How do you feel now!
Do you think this person didn't feel any fear?  Most people do and that's quite normal, it's telling you that you need to prepare.
Part of that preparation is imagining yourself standing on stage speaking clearly, confidently and making a very effective  presentation. Imagine the smiles and applause.  Imagine feeling fantastic. 

Obviously there are other things that you need to do to achieve the end goal.  However, having a positive mindset at the outset will guarantee a good result.

If things don't go as well as you imagined that's OK too.  Don't beat yourself up!.  Celebrate completing the task and overcoming your fears  You can review and learn from the experience, get some feedback, do more research and then give it another go.  You learn from the experience and plan to do it better next time.

If you are worried about what other people will think of you if you make a mistake...don't be!  People soon forget, they are much more interested in their own problems and fears.  And anyway people tend to remember the first impression they get of you, which is created in the first 30 seconds of meeting someone for the first time.  I can show you how to make a god first impression too for more information check out my blog via the link below.

Most of all start to enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here