Trust
How do you know it’s time to trust someone? What causes you to choose to stop trusting someone?
Trust lies at the heart of a strong relationship. When trust is lost we feel betrayed, angry and taken for granted.
But what is trust? It’s a belief we have that we can ‘place out trust’ in someone. We have enough evidence to allow that to happen and so we start to open up and confide in that person. There is an element of uncertainty and risk involved as whoever you are trusting may not always live up to the faith you are putting in them.
Many parents of teenagers will identify with choosing to trust our child to be able to spend the weekend in the house on their own without throwing a wild party. You may feel somewhat anxious as you drive away from the house and have a strong urge to ring up and "check how things are going". There is a risk involved, they may let you down.
Do you see trust as something that must be earned or negotiated? You may trust other adults according to how much you know of their character, attitudes and behaviour.
People have different meanings for trust. Our ability to trust may be affected by our upbringing and past experiences too. It is very easy within a marriage to assume you view trust in the same way as your partner, but assumptions can be misleading and lead to disappointment and hurt when things go wrong.
Most people want to place the responsibility for trust in a relationship on someone else. They base their trust on how someone acts towards them. I’ve discovered that trust in a relationship doesn't start with someone else. It starts with you and how willing you are to open up and allow the other person in. If you're having trust issues in a relationship, examine your own thoughts, feelings and issues from the past that have yet to be healed first before looking outward to blame someone else. I also suggest taking a step forward into love instead of fear every chance you get.
Talk about your doubts
Don’t let the fact that your previous relationship broke down be the reason why a future relationship breaks down. If you are having trust issues in a new friendship or relationship, talk these through with your new friend or partner. Explain to them why you are having the trust issues you are and explain your feelings to them. You may be surprised and find that your new friend or partner actually understands what you are going through!
It is going to be impossible to move on with your life after a divorce if you cannot trust anyone again. Trust is an essential element to any healthy relationship. Trust means you know you care for someone, and that they care for you. So make sure you have a healthy loving relationship in the future by learning to trust again.
Call me now to find out how coaching can move you forward and enable you to trust again,
08456 430 184
Noelyne
www.noelyne.com
Friday 16 November 2007
Friday 9 November 2007
How to be happy all the time!
I'm not convinced that you would want to be happy every single minute of the day as life is about embracing the ups and the downs. Sadness plays just a much a part in life as happiness. The low times help you appreciate the highs even more. Experiencing different emotions often means that you have a varied, interesting and full life.
It's learning to control those emotions and learn from them that is the not so easy thing to do. Luckily once you are aware that you can control your emotions then you can start to do something about it. It's easier in certain situations for example, at work we have codes of conduct or standards that are expected of us. Competencies that guide your behaviour and if you step over the boundary then you are given feedback by your line manager. You learn to control the irritated or angry feelings you have towards certain colleagues and deal with them in a considered and thoughtful manner.
Out side of the professional situations described above for example in your personal lives you often let those emotions take over and lose rational thinking and behaviour. You choose to allow the negativity to rule your life. You are often not happy with your relationships and focus on the negatives, you are often dissatisfied with what you have wanting more and wishing things were different. Some people feel sad because the things they want and are working towards are not happening fast enough. You want it all now and feel dissatisfied because you haven't got everything you want. Yet guess what? If you had everything you want right now you would then want something else.
So be happy with what you have here and now. Take action to get the things or life that you dream of and let go of the outcome and time line. So long as you are taking action then things will happen however, not always as quickly or in the way that you expected. Just be happy whenevr you can and enjoy the moment.
If you want to know more about being happy and changing your thoughts then give me a call anytime.
Noelyne
www.noelyne.com
It's learning to control those emotions and learn from them that is the not so easy thing to do. Luckily once you are aware that you can control your emotions then you can start to do something about it. It's easier in certain situations for example, at work we have codes of conduct or standards that are expected of us. Competencies that guide your behaviour and if you step over the boundary then you are given feedback by your line manager. You learn to control the irritated or angry feelings you have towards certain colleagues and deal with them in a considered and thoughtful manner.
Out side of the professional situations described above for example in your personal lives you often let those emotions take over and lose rational thinking and behaviour. You choose to allow the negativity to rule your life. You are often not happy with your relationships and focus on the negatives, you are often dissatisfied with what you have wanting more and wishing things were different. Some people feel sad because the things they want and are working towards are not happening fast enough. You want it all now and feel dissatisfied because you haven't got everything you want. Yet guess what? If you had everything you want right now you would then want something else.
So be happy with what you have here and now. Take action to get the things or life that you dream of and let go of the outcome and time line. So long as you are taking action then things will happen however, not always as quickly or in the way that you expected. Just be happy whenevr you can and enjoy the moment.
If you want to know more about being happy and changing your thoughts then give me a call anytime.
Noelyne
www.noelyne.com
Saturday 3 November 2007
How to have a stress free festive season!
How to have a wonderful stress free festive season?
The Christmas holidays are fast approaching and for many this is a wonderful happy special time of year. For others it can bring all sorts of problems and concerns.
stress through trying to organise work and home life and all the preparations,
sadness when remembering loved ones no longer with us,
relationship breakdowns or remembering the pain of a separation that happened at this time of year,
ill health – how many of you keep going and then the moment you finish work you get a nasty cold or flu,
financial pressures through trying to provide the best Christmas/holiday ever for your family.
Ringing any bells for you? (Ok I couldn’t resist that one.)
My Top Ten Tips for a stress free festive holiday.
Start planning early, particularly if your natural preference is to leave things until the last minute!
Work out a budget and stick to it.
Delegate tasks if you can.
Do 10 minutes minimum meditation daily. It will help clear your mind of clutter and clarify thoughts.
Take at least 1 hour out a week for you time – relax, do something you really enjoy.
Remember to fit in at least 3 x 20 minutes sessions of exercise – a power walk to the shops or work will do you the world of good.
Eat a well balanced diet – plenty of fresh fruit and veg!
Visualise the sort of holiday you would like to have over the festive season. What will you be doing, saying, hearing and feeling?
Thoughts become things so choose the good ones – manage your internal state and emotions. If you would like to know more about techniques to do this then give me a call.
Set yourself some realistic goals however, let go of the outcome - If things don’t quite turn out how you expect don’t beat yourself up. Know that you did your best however, some things are out of our control. In fact the only thing you can control is you, your thoughts and your reaction to what happens.
Additional tip.
Have fun!
The Christmas holidays are fast approaching and for many this is a wonderful happy special time of year. For others it can bring all sorts of problems and concerns.
stress through trying to organise work and home life and all the preparations,
sadness when remembering loved ones no longer with us,
relationship breakdowns or remembering the pain of a separation that happened at this time of year,
ill health – how many of you keep going and then the moment you finish work you get a nasty cold or flu,
financial pressures through trying to provide the best Christmas/holiday ever for your family.
Ringing any bells for you? (Ok I couldn’t resist that one.)
My Top Ten Tips for a stress free festive holiday.
Start planning early, particularly if your natural preference is to leave things until the last minute!
Work out a budget and stick to it.
Delegate tasks if you can.
Do 10 minutes minimum meditation daily. It will help clear your mind of clutter and clarify thoughts.
Take at least 1 hour out a week for you time – relax, do something you really enjoy.
Remember to fit in at least 3 x 20 minutes sessions of exercise – a power walk to the shops or work will do you the world of good.
Eat a well balanced diet – plenty of fresh fruit and veg!
Visualise the sort of holiday you would like to have over the festive season. What will you be doing, saying, hearing and feeling?
Thoughts become things so choose the good ones – manage your internal state and emotions. If you would like to know more about techniques to do this then give me a call.
Set yourself some realistic goals however, let go of the outcome - If things don’t quite turn out how you expect don’t beat yourself up. Know that you did your best however, some things are out of our control. In fact the only thing you can control is you, your thoughts and your reaction to what happens.
Additional tip.
Have fun!
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