Feeling exhausted

A Message from Noelyne....

Do you ever get to a point where you feel totally exhausted yet you have to keep going?  There seems no end to list of things that need to be done, places you need to go to and people you need to meet.  You just wish you could stop for a moment to catch your breath and just stay in bed or lounge about doing absolutely nothing.

The last few weeks have been exhausting.  In addition to the normal demands of a growing family, my training business and getting my property ready to rent out, my partner has been waiting to go into hospital for back surgery.  Thankfully, he had his operation yesterday.  It was only after he had been admitted that I realised how stressful the last few weeks has been.  Waiting for the op, watching him in pain, feeling frustrated that I couldn't ease his discomfort. 

I was so looking forward to a good nights sleep yet I kept waking up, wondering how he was doing.  I've got used to sleeping with someone again and I missed him.  This morning my whole body ached however, somehow I managed to drag myself out.  I've a 9am appointment, a full days work ahead, visits to the hospital, meals to plan for next week, shopping to do, the....  The list is endless. 


So I'll take my supplements to keep my strength up, put a smile on my face as it instantly makes me feel good and look forward to my partner coming home so that I can take care of him and help his recovery.


It's my birthday soon so there'll be some champagne on ice, we've got a holiday planned for next year, the arrival of our new addition to the family in a few weeks - I'll post photos of our new pup soon.  So many things to look froward to and that's what keeps you going isn't it.


So when you next feel exhausted and need to keep going, know that you can and keep in mind your reason for doing it.  What's your reason why?


Enjoy the process of life,


Noelyne Jones


P.S. Request a copy of my free special report here

Starting Over Again

A Message from Noelyne....

An appropriate song for the current series of blogs. I love Donna Summer's voice. Enjoy!






P.S. Remember to request a copy of my Free Special Report

Starting Over Without Him 9

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A Message from Noelyne....


It's very easy when you have just come out of a long term relationship and you are starting over without him, to allow anger and resentment about what has happened to occupy your mind most of the time.  It's OK to feel angry about the breakdown of a relationship that you thought was going to last forever.  There's bound to be some resentment flying around too.  These are quite normal emotions.  However, if you hold onto that anger and resentment for too long the only person who suffers is you.  You turn yourself into a victim, your physiology and approach to life is affected every time you feel the anger and resentment and eventually you are no longer the sort of person people want to be around.

Tip 9 - Learn to let go of the anger and resentment.


So go ahead and get angry, scream and shout and thump the pillows and get it out of your system and then LET GO of the anger and resentment.  That way you can choose to start to feel happy about starting all over.  When you are happy and content with yourself, your physiology changes and you become more attractive again.  New things and experiences and new people will come into your life.  It might take a while before you remember to choose to be happy however, every time you catch yourself dwelling on the past, stop the thought and focus on something else.  Go do something you love to do and put your mind to more resourceful thoughts.


If you want more tips on overcoming life's challenges check my on-line membership club here


Enjoy the process of life,


Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 8

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A Message from Noelyne....

Tip 8 - Relax and look after you.

It's so important to recognise when you are tense and feeling stressed. What are your signs? How do you know when it's time to relax? Learn to listen to your body so that you avoid dis-ease in your body. What are your triggers? If you are getting headaches, aches and pains your body is telling you to slow down and rest.

Make a habit of having at least 10 minutes a day where you chill out. Put your feet up, have a cup of tea, meditate, have a bath. Do whatever you do to relax. Treat yourself to a massage. If that's not in your budget then learn to do self-massage. There are plenty of books and information on the internet.

Learn to look after you. Value yourself and your time.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Have you got a copy of my Free Special Report? Click here

Starting Over Without Him 7

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A Message from Noelyne.....

Tip 7 - Establish a daily routine

This worked for me when I had to start over without him.  Having a reason to get out of bed each morning such as children, pets or work really helps to keep you sane.  You may not feel much like doing it in the early days of starting over without him however, routines and familiarity really help.  It gives you a good foundation to start to rebuild your life.  You have enough turmoil emotionally to handle so do your self a favour and stick to what you know for the time being.  There was many a time when I felt like running away from it all and certainly a holiday is a great idea if you can afford one.  Sooner or later though you have to face reality so running away may not be the best option for you.

When the time is ready i.e. maybe 6 months after the split, then you can start to make changes such as new job, different location, new hobbies, etc etc.

More Starting Over Without Him tips next time, 
Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones, 

P.S. You can get a copy of my Free Special Report here for more tips on overcoming your fears. 

Starting Over Without Him 6

A Message from Noelyne...

I mentioned  setting off a chain of events once you are in the posityion of starting over without him.  Whether it's you who made the decision to end the relationship or your partner, once the decision is made and both of you know, things will not be the same again.

Tip 6 - Communication is key.


You may be fearful of telling your family and friends however, you will need to do it.  The sooner the better.

If there are children involved you need to plan and think carefully about what to say and when to tell them.  They will need reassurance from both of you, that they are still loved and that it is not their fault.  Explain what will happen next and where they will live.  Children need stability and boundaries so make sure you plan ahead and that both you and your partner are in agreement.  Maintain a strong relationship for the children even though you are separating.  Put your own needs and emotions to one side and keep the children's interests first and foremost.

Telling the rest of your family is upsetting too.  They will want to know the reason for the breakdown of the marriage to help them understand and to find someone to blame.  You don't have to tell them everything. You may even want to discuss with your partner what you will say.  Of course this very much depends on whether there is still any trust between you and your partner.  Your family may well feel hurt particularly if you were all very close.  You are going through a massive change in your life which has an impact on the people closest to you.  Their lives will change too. Be as open as possible with everyone and talk to each other.


Telling friends as soon as possible is important too as you will need your network of people to support you through the next stage of your life.  Be prepared to lose friends who were joint friends, people you knew as a couple.  Most people will side with the original friend regardless of the reason for the relationship breakdown, which by the way is private between you and your ex.  Friends don't need to know however, they will be curious.  Be prepared as to what you will say.  You may well be feeling hurt and wanting to lash out at your partner however, this is not the best strategy and does not show you in a good light.  And anyway by repeating what happened over and over you are reliving the past and allowing what happened to affect you now.  Learn to let go of the past and focus on having fun now so that you create a better future for you and your family.

The sooner you start to talk to people about the decision to end the relationship, the sooneryou will start all over without him.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 5

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A Message from Noelyne...

Building a support network of family and friends who you trust is essential when starting over without him.  This may be challenging particularly if you have been in a long term relationship.  You may have lost touch with your own friends or maybe you were in a realtionship where your partner was your life.  You spent your free time with him and chose not to continue your friendships.  If this is the case you will be feeling very lonely and isolated and fearful of going out and meeting people again.

Step 5 - Build your network of friends. 

Once you decide to build up your network of friends you will start to become aware of the opportunities around you.  You'll bump into people you've not seen for a while and find that their circumstances may well have changed.  This happened to me.  I was sat having a coffee reading a paper when an old friend who I had lost touch with walked in. I subsequently found out that her marriage had also ended.  We arranged to go out for a drink and 10 years later we still meet up regularly even though she has re-married and I am in a long term relationship again.  We helped each other through the bad times, meeting regularly, weekends and holidays together and spent two christmases together too.


Having to start over again taught me a valuable lesson about friendship.  Value your friendships, nurture them and never let them go.  Make regular deposits into the friendship bank account so that if you need to make withdrawals the friendship will still be strong.


Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones


P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 4

A Message from Noelyne....


Have you found yourself so full of pain and sadness and guilt and doubt about having ended the relationship that you don't think you can continue?  That's quite normal too and the best thing is to go through the pain.  Allow yourself to feel it and sob your heart out.  If you feel like sitting on the kitchen floor and crying your eyes out then do it.  It's your bodies way of dealing with the emotion. You will feel so much better afterwards.  You may feel a sense of peace after a good cry and clarity.

Step 4  - Allow yourself to feel the pain.

Don't bottle it up as this can cause dis-ease in your body in the form of headaches, colds, ulcers etc.  So allow yourself to cry whenever you need to.  You will get to a stage when you don't need to cry about the loss of the relationship.  It's all part of the healing process.

If you have a support network of friends then reach out to one of them by picking up the telephone for a chat.  Friends are so important at any time and even more so when a relationship ends.  Be prepared to lose the friends who knew you because you were in a relationship though.  Friends you had as a couple rarely stay in touch with you both.  They tend to remain loyal to the original friend.

If you don't have a strong network of friends it's important to start reaching out and build that network.  Look up people you have not seen for a while and give them a call.  Imagine building a network of friends.  Ask the universe to send friendly people to you.  When I was at a low point after my marriage ended and I had lost touch with most of my friends I asked the universe to send me some friendly people.  The next day I got an invitation to a party from the lady who lived across the street.

Join me again for further tips on starting over without him,

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. You can get a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 3

A Message from Noelyne.....



One of the biggest fears that I had when starting over without him was coping financially.  I had been used to living quite comfortably with my husband as the main source of income.  I had my own income from my job however, this was considerably less than my husband.  I was panicky and really didn't know how I would cope. Have you ever felt so panicky that you freeze?  You don't know what to do and bury your head in the sand hoping it will all go away.  Does the worry of having enough money to start over without him stop you from taking action?

Fear and panic can be debilitating.  It makes you want to run away instead of facing reality and handling whatever is happening.

Step 3 :  Accept your situation and know that you can handle whatever happens.

In financial terms I had to accept that I was on a low income and then adjusted my lifestyle accordingly.  For example, I downsized my living accommodation so that I could manage the monthly outgoings.  I took control of my finances and made sure that my outgoings did not exceed my income.

It will be a huge learning curve as you take responsibility for everything with no-one to turn to to help make decisions.  Initially this will be a challenge however, over time it becomes easier and eventually you will prefer not to have to consult with someone before taking a decision.  That's for another time!  I'll start a new series of blogs for coping with a new relationship.

For now you need to focus on surviving from day to day, making decisions for yourself, go about your daily routine as you start to rebuild your life.  Routines are excellent for keeping you sane.  Caring for children or elderly parents and attending daily employment keep your mind focused and stop it from wandering onto negative thoughts.  As each day passes you will start to feel stronger.

Don't worry about setting long term goals.  Focus on the goal of rebuilding your life from day to day.  More starting over without him tips in the next blog.

Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Free Special Report on How to Overcome Your Fears click here 

Starting Over Without Him 2

A Message from Noelyne...

So you've made the decision to start over without him or had the decision made for you.  You're dealing with all the emotions flying around and trying to hold it together for your children, family or friends.  You are angry about having to start over without him as this is not what you wanted.  You're feeling sorry for yourself and a bit of a failure.  You're probably worried about what other people will think of you.  You hate the thought of having to date someone again and go through it all again although a part of you wants to get back at him and to feel special again.

Now is not the time to get involved with someone else whether you have or haven't got children.  Now is the time to invest some tender loving care in yourself.  By all means go out with friends and have fun, flirt a little so that you start to feel attractive again, but don't rush.


Step 2 - Take a deep breath and know that the turmoil you are feeling is quite normal.  You will get through it!

You are going through a huge change in your life. Feeling scared, panicky, guilty, sad, doubtful and angry are all understandable emotions.  It will take time to overcome these emotions and this will differ from person to person.  It is said that the first 6 days after a relationship ends are the worst emotionally.  Once you have survived these the next 6 weeks will be challenging and you will be up and down.  One moment knowing for sure that this is the best thing, the next wishing he was back in your life.  You will feel lonely and sad and then happy that you have made the right decision.  You may be tempted to take him back into your life to ease the pain.  Stop!  Remind yourself about the decision you made and the reasons for that decision.


All quite confusing at times.  It's best if you have made a clean break so that you can focus on you.  If you have to see your partner perhaps because there are children involved then be prepared for continuing emotional turmoil.  You will have to learn to cope with seeing him and learn how to not let it affect you adversely.  The only think you can control is your reaction to what happens.  You have no control over his behaviour, that's his choice however, you can choose not to get upset by whatever he says or does.


At the end of the first 6 months after the relationship ends you will be in a far better place to start making good decisions about what you are going to do with the next stage of your life.  You will truly be ready to start over without him.  6 months seems like a long time however, it's 6 months that you are investing in you and you will get huge return on your investment later on.

More tips next time on how to start over without him,

Noelyne Jones




P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him

A Message from Noelyne..

I've decide to start a new series of blogs specifically aimed at helping you start over without him.  If you are just out of a relationship or at the end of the relationship but haven't made the final break yet for fear of what might happen then the series will give you plenty of advice and support through the transition of starting over again without the man in your life.  It will help you overcome your fear and know that you can handle whatever happens.

This is not about saving a relationship I am talking about when the relationship is over.  You have done absolutely everything possible to make the relationship work however,it's just not happening.  Or your partner has done something that means you can no longer stay in the relationship.  Or your partner has walked out on the relationship to follow a different path.

The biggest fears can be about how you will manage emotionally, financially and practically i.e. where will you live, who will fix the leaking tap, who will you turn to?

Abba's song Knowing me, Knowing you has the lyrics  'Breaking up is never easy'.  Guess what?  In my experience it's very true.  So please please make sure you are doing the best thing for you by ending the relationship, that's if you have a choice.

Step 1 - Be sure that the relationship is really over.

There will be plenty of people ready to give you advice however, when it comes down to it you are the only one who knows in your heart what is right for you.  If you need to talk it through with someone then get advice or support from an independent person such as a relationship coach or marriage guidance counsellor.  They will have only your interests at heart and will want the best for you.  I'm not saying that your friends and family don't however, they are often too emotionally involved and may have fears of their own that influence their advice.

When I realised that my first significant relationship was no longer what I really wanted it took around 12 months before I actually ended it.  I had lots of fear going on however, I suppose I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing for everyone.  I was fearful of hurting people.  And in the end my boyfriend took an overdose shortly after I ended the relationship.  Thankfully he survived.

My biggest fear when deciding to end my marriage was the effect it would have on both families.  They loved both me and my husband.  We all enjoyed each others company and spent holidays together.  I put off the inevitable until I could no longer stay in the relationship.  Have you been in that situation where you know you need to do something yet something keeps putting you off so it drags on and on?  You are actually stopping both yourself and the other people from starting to rebuild their lives.

I discovered something that my husband had hidden from me for the 15 years we were together and it was not something that I could live with.  In the end the decision was easy to make.  However, that started a new set of fears.  How was I going to tell him?  I remember searching the internet for advice and as a result asked my husband to go for a walk so that we were on neutral territory.  It was the worst walk of my life.  I felt sick at the thought of how he would react and his inevitable sadness and possible anger.  It was a very difficult time and of course having had the conversation it sets things in motion.  Thinsg would not be the same again.  It sets off a chain of events.

I'll talk more about those chain of events next time.

Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report How to Overcome Your Fears

We are in this together

A Message from Noelyne...

Check out this inspirational video and the wonderful messages from our young people.



Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report for more words of wisdom. I know you know! Click here

A recipe for life

Image via WikipediaA Message from Noelyne.....

Life recipe.... a cup of love, teaspoon of patience, generosity, pint of kindness, quart of laughter, a pinch concern, willingness, happiness and faith.



Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report on How to easily overcome your fears click here to enter your details

How not to be Happy now

A Message from Noelyne...


If you don't want to be happy now the easiest thing to do is to tell your self that you will be happy when something happens in the future.  For example, you will be happy when you get a new car or change your job or find a partner or move house or get more money.  Have you heard yourself saying things like "I'll be happy when I've paid the mortgage off or when I've decorated the house or when I finish work or when the children have finished their exams or once the housework is done.  I'm sure you have got the idea by now...

Of course, by saying that you will be happy when something happens you are actually putting off being happy now.  You are saying that you will be happy in the future.  Where is the future?  It's always in the future and is never now.  There is only now so give yourself a break and no matter what is or isn't happening for you right now, take a moment to be happy with who you are and what you have right now.

Then start to do that more and more each day, regardless of all the things that you'd still like to be, do and have.  I've learned thatwhen you get to where you want to be there always something else that you want to do.

Be happy and enjoy the process of life, make it magical,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. My Free Special Report can be requested by clicking here 

How not to overcome your fears

A Message from Noelyne...

If you don't want to overcome your fears then just keep on focusing on them.  Simple!  Keep worrying about what might happen, what might go wrong and all the problems that you have.  Stay focused on all your insecurities, your lack of confidence and your fears and anxieties.  Imagine that you will never ever get what you want in life.  Does that approach to life seem familiar to you?  You are not alone, many people worry themselves sick about their problems.  However, that's not the way to overcome your fears.  There is a much easier way.

You focus on what you do want.  Imagine overcoming your fears and anxieties, imagine feeling confident, secure and happy.  Allow yourself to really believe that you can do it.  When you have a problem instead of focusing on the problem focus on what you want to achieve, imagine having solved the problem, then think about what you need steps you need to take to get there.

When things get you down abd you are feeling overwhelmed by toomuch stress, competing priorities and demands, it's even more important to take time out to focus on what it will be like when you don't have all those pressures and problems.  It isn't easy to remember to do that when you are caught up in the daily process of life however, when you take time out to shift your own internal state of being then the external world changes to match your new state and magic starts to happen.


Try it and let me know how you get on.

Enjoy the process of life,


Noelyne Jones

P.S. Remember to request a copy of my Free Special Report which gives more tips on overcoming your fears.

www.howtoovercomeyourfears.com

Not as bad as it looks!

A Message from Noelyne...

I just had to share this with you.




Enjoy,


Noelyne Jones

P.S. Remember to request a copy of my Free Special Report here

How to meditate

A Message from Noelyne....

In times of stress meditation really comes into it's own.  Unless you are in the habit of meditating then it probably will not spring to your mind as something that you need to do to help you through stressful times.  You are too busy rushing around trying to get everything done.  Taking 10 minutes out every morning and again before you go to sleep will help you to relax and see things much more clearly.  You will be able to make decisions more easily and prioritise the tasks so that urgent important things get done not urgent things that can wait.

Here is a short video as an introduction to meditation.  I cover the art of meditating in more detail in my membership site.



Enjoy,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

A sense of normality returns

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A Message from Noelyne...

We're getting there slowly but surely and there's a sense of normality, whatever that is, starting to return.  It's an interesting thought as to what normality means, isn't it? After a period of intense and unexpected challenges it's wonderful to just slow down and feel as though you are back in control.  There's still lots happening however, it's more manageable, a sense of getting back into a routine.

There are times when normal and routine can be quite boring and you crave excitement however, whne you have been under a lot of unexpected stress then it's actually a very good thing to get back to calm and control.  Light at the end of the tunnel.  Those loose ends are fewer and there's a clear path opening it's way up for moving forward.  All's well in my world....until the next time!

Enjoy your day and make the most of every moment as you never know what might be around the corner.

Just know that you can handle whatever happens, with excellence!

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Send for a copy of my Free Special Report here