How To Control Emotions

Hello,

I've recently been on holiday with my 79 year old Mum, who like most elderly Mum's never want to be a bother or cause any fuss... So why is it so stressful and why so I struggle to control my emotions when I am with her.  I find myself getting annoyed or irritated by her behaviour.  When she tries her best not to make a fuss it actually increases my frustration.  I do my best not to show my feelings as I don't want to upset her and end up feeling sad myself.  It's been the same every time I spend a full week with her.

Thankfully for me I was reading a book by Joyce Meyer called 'Never Give Up'.  I was attracted to this book as I've had a tendency to start things and then not finish them. It was an ideal book for me and I learned a considerable amount about the importance of persistence and continuing to take action when you totally believe in what you are doing.

In one of the chapters it referred to the situation I have just described about how I feel when I am with my Mum.  The advice given is that when you feel a negative emotion towards someone you need to look within yourself for the reason for the emotion.  I cannot start to tell you how powerful this is. It made me break the habit I had got into of blaming my Mum for her behaviour.  Instead I looked at why I was irritated with the way she behaves and I can tell you that I uncovered some of my own fears and beliefs about myself, my own behaviour.  It also made me face up to how I still feel about significant life events that happened when I was a child.  I was quite amazed! I thought I had dealt with all that stuff particularly am I am a personal development expert!  From then on the moment I started to feel a negative emotion towards my Mum I asked myself the question "What's causing this within me?" Not only did that thought stop the negative emotion it freed me up to be happy. 

And of course, it all had an impact on my Mum.  Behaviour breeds behaviour.  My behaviour had changed which affected her. 

To end a long story... we had a very enjoyable holiday!

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne

P.S. She wants to go to Crete and Turkey next year now!!

The past does not have to equal the future

A Message from Noelyne...

Is your past holding you back?  Do you blame your past experiences for your lack of success?  Do you say things like 'I would have been so successful if I had had a better childhood' or 'If only my parents had been more outgoing and confident'.  Do you blame a relationship that you have or had for your current situation?  Do you still feel hurt and angry because of the way someone treated you?

There are many experiences and situations in your past that you can blame for your lack of success, if you choose to.  The problem with blame and focusing on the bad experiences is that you are re-living those experiences now.  You are allowing past experiences to continue to affect you in the here and now, which in turn holds you back from achieving better experiences and success.  Being aware of this means that you can choose to change your thoughts.  It's not easy to begin with as you will catch your mind wandering back to the past.  You need to discipline your mind to think good thoughts, positive thoughts, thoughts of what you want to achieve.

So do you see how the past does not have to equal the future?  Stop focusing on the bad experiences of the past and start thinking about what you want instead.  All the wonderful things that you want to happen.  Don't worry about how you will achieve them.  You just need to start thinking about what you want. 

The past is exactly that - the past.  It's over and done with.  You are unable to change what actually happened however, you can change the way you feel about what happened so that you allow yourself to be happy now.  Being happy in the moment means you will attract more happiness for the future.  Make a list of the things you are grateful for right now.  No matter how small or insignificant they seem, just list or say out loud.  I am grateful for......

The more you do this the more you will start to leave the past behind.  Fill your mind with positive, happy thoughts so that there's no room for dwelling on things that make you sad or hurt or angry.

Remember the past does not have to equal the future.  The choice is yours.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report on How to Overcome Your Fears in 7 days

Starting Over without Him 10, Letting Go

A Message from Noelyne....

Letting go of a relationship that is over is one of the hardest things to do when starting over without him.  You keep thinking of all the good times and wish you could have those back.  The sense of loss can almost be too much and you think that you will never be happy again.  You don't want to let go for fear of never finding any happiness in a relationship again.  In fact the thought of starting a new relationship may make you feel quite sick and want to run for the duvet covers.  So not letting go is a way of keeping the dream and hope alive.  It's a way of avoiding acceptance of the situation and of not starting over without him.  If this is where you are right now then take a look at the words on the video and listen to the song lyrics.  Be warned you may need a box of tissues.




I noticed one response 'drowning yourself in tears is a waste of time'. And that may be the case for some people. You can get to a point where you feel you have cried enough and that you never want to cry again so if you continue to cry it can have a negative effect. However, in my world crying is a great way of letting go of the emotions that build up inside during and after a breakdown of a relationship. So go ahead and cry and know that it is part of letting go and the healing process. It's an important part of starting over without him.

All the best,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. If you have a fear of letting go request a copy of my Free Special Report by entering your name and e-mail address here

Sonia Ricotti - Letting Go of the Past

A Message from Noelyne...

Here's a terrific video of an interview with Sonia Ricotti to compliment my blog yesterday on letting go of the past.




Remember to request a copy of my Free Special Report to show you how to overcome a fear of letting go,

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Click here to enter you name and e-mail and then download the Free Special Report

Why would you not want to let go of past pain?

A Message from Noelyne...

What makes you hold onto the past? For what purpose do you dwell on the things that didn't go well and past bad experiences? Are you afraid to let go of the past?

Dwelling on past memories that cause you to feel pain or sad is not a good thing to do. Every moment you spend thinking about the past bad experience you are allowing the pain of the past to live in the present. You are not allowing yourself to let go of past pain. You are choosing to stay stuck in the past and not allowing yourself to enjoy the present moment, which in turn means that you are holding yourself back from a fabulous future.

So for what purpose do you do it? What do you fear? How does holding on to the past serve you? In what way does recreating the pain of the past help you now?


Recalling past happy memories or looking at photos that bring happiness and joy is fantastic. It's important to have a treasure chest full of wonderful happy memories and experiences to recall when the going gets tough. For those low moments when things aren't going so well and the world gets you down. When you don't have happy memories it's not easy to be happy. You can end up living a very serious, unhappy or miserable life where you focus on things that are wrong or missing. Life becomes an uphill struggle and you forget how to laugh.

Life events can cause you to get into a negative state and become miserable without realising it. If you are lucky something happens to make you aware that you are not the bundle of joy you once were. For example, if someone asked you to recall a happy memory would you find thsi easy or would you struggle? If you struggle then it's time to start doing more activities that make you feel happy. You need to build up your reserves, make some deposits into the happy bank.


So for what purpose do you decide not to let go of the past? What do you fear? How does holding on to the past pain serve you? In what way does recreating the memories and pain of the past help you now?

Your experiences make you who you are. The mistakes you make are wonderful opportunities to learn and grow. Be thankful for those opportunities. Learn from them and let them go. You are unable to go back and change the past however the past does not have to equal the future.

Decide how you want to be, do and have and start to focus on what you want rather than what went wrong in the past. Remember that you get what you focus on.

Request a copy of my Free Special Report for more tips on creating a better future by overcoming your fears. In this case a fear of letting go of the past.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Click here for a copy of the Free Special Report