Starting Over Without Him

A Message from Noelyne..

I've decide to start a new series of blogs specifically aimed at helping you start over without him.  If you are just out of a relationship or at the end of the relationship but haven't made the final break yet for fear of what might happen then the series will give you plenty of advice and support through the transition of starting over again without the man in your life.  It will help you overcome your fear and know that you can handle whatever happens.

This is not about saving a relationship I am talking about when the relationship is over.  You have done absolutely everything possible to make the relationship work however,it's just not happening.  Or your partner has done something that means you can no longer stay in the relationship.  Or your partner has walked out on the relationship to follow a different path.

The biggest fears can be about how you will manage emotionally, financially and practically i.e. where will you live, who will fix the leaking tap, who will you turn to?

Abba's song Knowing me, Knowing you has the lyrics  'Breaking up is never easy'.  Guess what?  In my experience it's very true.  So please please make sure you are doing the best thing for you by ending the relationship, that's if you have a choice.

Step 1 - Be sure that the relationship is really over.

There will be plenty of people ready to give you advice however, when it comes down to it you are the only one who knows in your heart what is right for you.  If you need to talk it through with someone then get advice or support from an independent person such as a relationship coach or marriage guidance counsellor.  They will have only your interests at heart and will want the best for you.  I'm not saying that your friends and family don't however, they are often too emotionally involved and may have fears of their own that influence their advice.

When I realised that my first significant relationship was no longer what I really wanted it took around 12 months before I actually ended it.  I had lots of fear going on however, I suppose I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing for everyone.  I was fearful of hurting people.  And in the end my boyfriend took an overdose shortly after I ended the relationship.  Thankfully he survived.

My biggest fear when deciding to end my marriage was the effect it would have on both families.  They loved both me and my husband.  We all enjoyed each others company and spent holidays together.  I put off the inevitable until I could no longer stay in the relationship.  Have you been in that situation where you know you need to do something yet something keeps putting you off so it drags on and on?  You are actually stopping both yourself and the other people from starting to rebuild their lives.

I discovered something that my husband had hidden from me for the 15 years we were together and it was not something that I could live with.  In the end the decision was easy to make.  However, that started a new set of fears.  How was I going to tell him?  I remember searching the internet for advice and as a result asked my husband to go for a walk so that we were on neutral territory.  It was the worst walk of my life.  I felt sick at the thought of how he would react and his inevitable sadness and possible anger.  It was a very difficult time and of course having had the conversation it sets things in motion.  Thinsg would not be the same again.  It sets off a chain of events.

I'll talk more about those chain of events next time.

Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report How to Overcome Your Fears