Starting Over without Him 10, Letting Go

A Message from Noelyne....

Letting go of a relationship that is over is one of the hardest things to do when starting over without him.  You keep thinking of all the good times and wish you could have those back.  The sense of loss can almost be too much and you think that you will never be happy again.  You don't want to let go for fear of never finding any happiness in a relationship again.  In fact the thought of starting a new relationship may make you feel quite sick and want to run for the duvet covers.  So not letting go is a way of keeping the dream and hope alive.  It's a way of avoiding acceptance of the situation and of not starting over without him.  If this is where you are right now then take a look at the words on the video and listen to the song lyrics.  Be warned you may need a box of tissues.




I noticed one response 'drowning yourself in tears is a waste of time'. And that may be the case for some people. You can get to a point where you feel you have cried enough and that you never want to cry again so if you continue to cry it can have a negative effect. However, in my world crying is a great way of letting go of the emotions that build up inside during and after a breakdown of a relationship. So go ahead and cry and know that it is part of letting go and the healing process. It's an important part of starting over without him.

All the best,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. If you have a fear of letting go request a copy of my Free Special Report by entering your name and e-mail address here

Starting Over Without Him 6

A Message from Noelyne...

I mentioned  setting off a chain of events once you are in the posityion of starting over without him.  Whether it's you who made the decision to end the relationship or your partner, once the decision is made and both of you know, things will not be the same again.

Tip 6 - Communication is key.


You may be fearful of telling your family and friends however, you will need to do it.  The sooner the better.

If there are children involved you need to plan and think carefully about what to say and when to tell them.  They will need reassurance from both of you, that they are still loved and that it is not their fault.  Explain what will happen next and where they will live.  Children need stability and boundaries so make sure you plan ahead and that both you and your partner are in agreement.  Maintain a strong relationship for the children even though you are separating.  Put your own needs and emotions to one side and keep the children's interests first and foremost.

Telling the rest of your family is upsetting too.  They will want to know the reason for the breakdown of the marriage to help them understand and to find someone to blame.  You don't have to tell them everything. You may even want to discuss with your partner what you will say.  Of course this very much depends on whether there is still any trust between you and your partner.  Your family may well feel hurt particularly if you were all very close.  You are going through a massive change in your life which has an impact on the people closest to you.  Their lives will change too. Be as open as possible with everyone and talk to each other.


Telling friends as soon as possible is important too as you will need your network of people to support you through the next stage of your life.  Be prepared to lose friends who were joint friends, people you knew as a couple.  Most people will side with the original friend regardless of the reason for the relationship breakdown, which by the way is private between you and your ex.  Friends don't need to know however, they will be curious.  Be prepared as to what you will say.  You may well be feeling hurt and wanting to lash out at your partner however, this is not the best strategy and does not show you in a good light.  And anyway by repeating what happened over and over you are reliving the past and allowing what happened to affect you now.  Learn to let go of the past and focus on having fun now so that you create a better future for you and your family.

The sooner you start to talk to people about the decision to end the relationship, the sooneryou will start all over without him.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 4

A Message from Noelyne....


Have you found yourself so full of pain and sadness and guilt and doubt about having ended the relationship that you don't think you can continue?  That's quite normal too and the best thing is to go through the pain.  Allow yourself to feel it and sob your heart out.  If you feel like sitting on the kitchen floor and crying your eyes out then do it.  It's your bodies way of dealing with the emotion. You will feel so much better afterwards.  You may feel a sense of peace after a good cry and clarity.

Step 4  - Allow yourself to feel the pain.

Don't bottle it up as this can cause dis-ease in your body in the form of headaches, colds, ulcers etc.  So allow yourself to cry whenever you need to.  You will get to a stage when you don't need to cry about the loss of the relationship.  It's all part of the healing process.

If you have a support network of friends then reach out to one of them by picking up the telephone for a chat.  Friends are so important at any time and even more so when a relationship ends.  Be prepared to lose the friends who knew you because you were in a relationship though.  Friends you had as a couple rarely stay in touch with you both.  They tend to remain loyal to the original friend.

If you don't have a strong network of friends it's important to start reaching out and build that network.  Look up people you have not seen for a while and give them a call.  Imagine building a network of friends.  Ask the universe to send friendly people to you.  When I was at a low point after my marriage ended and I had lost touch with most of my friends I asked the universe to send me some friendly people.  The next day I got an invitation to a party from the lady who lived across the street.

Join me again for further tips on starting over without him,

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. You can get a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 2

A Message from Noelyne...

So you've made the decision to start over without him or had the decision made for you.  You're dealing with all the emotions flying around and trying to hold it together for your children, family or friends.  You are angry about having to start over without him as this is not what you wanted.  You're feeling sorry for yourself and a bit of a failure.  You're probably worried about what other people will think of you.  You hate the thought of having to date someone again and go through it all again although a part of you wants to get back at him and to feel special again.

Now is not the time to get involved with someone else whether you have or haven't got children.  Now is the time to invest some tender loving care in yourself.  By all means go out with friends and have fun, flirt a little so that you start to feel attractive again, but don't rush.


Step 2 - Take a deep breath and know that the turmoil you are feeling is quite normal.  You will get through it!

You are going through a huge change in your life. Feeling scared, panicky, guilty, sad, doubtful and angry are all understandable emotions.  It will take time to overcome these emotions and this will differ from person to person.  It is said that the first 6 days after a relationship ends are the worst emotionally.  Once you have survived these the next 6 weeks will be challenging and you will be up and down.  One moment knowing for sure that this is the best thing, the next wishing he was back in your life.  You will feel lonely and sad and then happy that you have made the right decision.  You may be tempted to take him back into your life to ease the pain.  Stop!  Remind yourself about the decision you made and the reasons for that decision.


All quite confusing at times.  It's best if you have made a clean break so that you can focus on you.  If you have to see your partner perhaps because there are children involved then be prepared for continuing emotional turmoil.  You will have to learn to cope with seeing him and learn how to not let it affect you adversely.  The only think you can control is your reaction to what happens.  You have no control over his behaviour, that's his choice however, you can choose not to get upset by whatever he says or does.


At the end of the first 6 months after the relationship ends you will be in a far better place to start making good decisions about what you are going to do with the next stage of your life.  You will truly be ready to start over without him.  6 months seems like a long time however, it's 6 months that you are investing in you and you will get huge return on your investment later on.

More tips next time on how to start over without him,

Noelyne Jones




P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here