Starting Over Without Him 7

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A Message from Noelyne.....

Tip 7 - Establish a daily routine

This worked for me when I had to start over without him.  Having a reason to get out of bed each morning such as children, pets or work really helps to keep you sane.  You may not feel much like doing it in the early days of starting over without him however, routines and familiarity really help.  It gives you a good foundation to start to rebuild your life.  You have enough turmoil emotionally to handle so do your self a favour and stick to what you know for the time being.  There was many a time when I felt like running away from it all and certainly a holiday is a great idea if you can afford one.  Sooner or later though you have to face reality so running away may not be the best option for you.

When the time is ready i.e. maybe 6 months after the split, then you can start to make changes such as new job, different location, new hobbies, etc etc.

More Starting Over Without Him tips next time, 
Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones, 

P.S. You can get a copy of my Free Special Report here for more tips on overcoming your fears. 

Starting Over Without Him 6

A Message from Noelyne...

I mentioned  setting off a chain of events once you are in the posityion of starting over without him.  Whether it's you who made the decision to end the relationship or your partner, once the decision is made and both of you know, things will not be the same again.

Tip 6 - Communication is key.


You may be fearful of telling your family and friends however, you will need to do it.  The sooner the better.

If there are children involved you need to plan and think carefully about what to say and when to tell them.  They will need reassurance from both of you, that they are still loved and that it is not their fault.  Explain what will happen next and where they will live.  Children need stability and boundaries so make sure you plan ahead and that both you and your partner are in agreement.  Maintain a strong relationship for the children even though you are separating.  Put your own needs and emotions to one side and keep the children's interests first and foremost.

Telling the rest of your family is upsetting too.  They will want to know the reason for the breakdown of the marriage to help them understand and to find someone to blame.  You don't have to tell them everything. You may even want to discuss with your partner what you will say.  Of course this very much depends on whether there is still any trust between you and your partner.  Your family may well feel hurt particularly if you were all very close.  You are going through a massive change in your life which has an impact on the people closest to you.  Their lives will change too. Be as open as possible with everyone and talk to each other.


Telling friends as soon as possible is important too as you will need your network of people to support you through the next stage of your life.  Be prepared to lose friends who were joint friends, people you knew as a couple.  Most people will side with the original friend regardless of the reason for the relationship breakdown, which by the way is private between you and your ex.  Friends don't need to know however, they will be curious.  Be prepared as to what you will say.  You may well be feeling hurt and wanting to lash out at your partner however, this is not the best strategy and does not show you in a good light.  And anyway by repeating what happened over and over you are reliving the past and allowing what happened to affect you now.  Learn to let go of the past and focus on having fun now so that you create a better future for you and your family.

The sooner you start to talk to people about the decision to end the relationship, the sooneryou will start all over without him.

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 5

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A Message from Noelyne...

Building a support network of family and friends who you trust is essential when starting over without him.  This may be challenging particularly if you have been in a long term relationship.  You may have lost touch with your own friends or maybe you were in a realtionship where your partner was your life.  You spent your free time with him and chose not to continue your friendships.  If this is the case you will be feeling very lonely and isolated and fearful of going out and meeting people again.

Step 5 - Build your network of friends. 

Once you decide to build up your network of friends you will start to become aware of the opportunities around you.  You'll bump into people you've not seen for a while and find that their circumstances may well have changed.  This happened to me.  I was sat having a coffee reading a paper when an old friend who I had lost touch with walked in. I subsequently found out that her marriage had also ended.  We arranged to go out for a drink and 10 years later we still meet up regularly even though she has re-married and I am in a long term relationship again.  We helped each other through the bad times, meeting regularly, weekends and holidays together and spent two christmases together too.


Having to start over again taught me a valuable lesson about friendship.  Value your friendships, nurture them and never let them go.  Make regular deposits into the friendship bank account so that if you need to make withdrawals the friendship will still be strong.


Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones


P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 4

A Message from Noelyne....


Have you found yourself so full of pain and sadness and guilt and doubt about having ended the relationship that you don't think you can continue?  That's quite normal too and the best thing is to go through the pain.  Allow yourself to feel it and sob your heart out.  If you feel like sitting on the kitchen floor and crying your eyes out then do it.  It's your bodies way of dealing with the emotion. You will feel so much better afterwards.  You may feel a sense of peace after a good cry and clarity.

Step 4  - Allow yourself to feel the pain.

Don't bottle it up as this can cause dis-ease in your body in the form of headaches, colds, ulcers etc.  So allow yourself to cry whenever you need to.  You will get to a stage when you don't need to cry about the loss of the relationship.  It's all part of the healing process.

If you have a support network of friends then reach out to one of them by picking up the telephone for a chat.  Friends are so important at any time and even more so when a relationship ends.  Be prepared to lose the friends who knew you because you were in a relationship though.  Friends you had as a couple rarely stay in touch with you both.  They tend to remain loyal to the original friend.

If you don't have a strong network of friends it's important to start reaching out and build that network.  Look up people you have not seen for a while and give them a call.  Imagine building a network of friends.  Ask the universe to send friendly people to you.  When I was at a low point after my marriage ended and I had lost touch with most of my friends I asked the universe to send me some friendly people.  The next day I got an invitation to a party from the lady who lived across the street.

Join me again for further tips on starting over without him,

Enjoy the process of life,

Noelyne Jones

P.S. You can get a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him 3

A Message from Noelyne.....



One of the biggest fears that I had when starting over without him was coping financially.  I had been used to living quite comfortably with my husband as the main source of income.  I had my own income from my job however, this was considerably less than my husband.  I was panicky and really didn't know how I would cope. Have you ever felt so panicky that you freeze?  You don't know what to do and bury your head in the sand hoping it will all go away.  Does the worry of having enough money to start over without him stop you from taking action?

Fear and panic can be debilitating.  It makes you want to run away instead of facing reality and handling whatever is happening.

Step 3 :  Accept your situation and know that you can handle whatever happens.

In financial terms I had to accept that I was on a low income and then adjusted my lifestyle accordingly.  For example, I downsized my living accommodation so that I could manage the monthly outgoings.  I took control of my finances and made sure that my outgoings did not exceed my income.

It will be a huge learning curve as you take responsibility for everything with no-one to turn to to help make decisions.  Initially this will be a challenge however, over time it becomes easier and eventually you will prefer not to have to consult with someone before taking a decision.  That's for another time!  I'll start a new series of blogs for coping with a new relationship.

For now you need to focus on surviving from day to day, making decisions for yourself, go about your daily routine as you start to rebuild your life.  Routines are excellent for keeping you sane.  Caring for children or elderly parents and attending daily employment keep your mind focused and stop it from wandering onto negative thoughts.  As each day passes you will start to feel stronger.

Don't worry about setting long term goals.  Focus on the goal of rebuilding your life from day to day.  More starting over without him tips in the next blog.

Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Free Special Report on How to Overcome Your Fears click here 

Starting Over Without Him 2

A Message from Noelyne...

So you've made the decision to start over without him or had the decision made for you.  You're dealing with all the emotions flying around and trying to hold it together for your children, family or friends.  You are angry about having to start over without him as this is not what you wanted.  You're feeling sorry for yourself and a bit of a failure.  You're probably worried about what other people will think of you.  You hate the thought of having to date someone again and go through it all again although a part of you wants to get back at him and to feel special again.

Now is not the time to get involved with someone else whether you have or haven't got children.  Now is the time to invest some tender loving care in yourself.  By all means go out with friends and have fun, flirt a little so that you start to feel attractive again, but don't rush.


Step 2 - Take a deep breath and know that the turmoil you are feeling is quite normal.  You will get through it!

You are going through a huge change in your life. Feeling scared, panicky, guilty, sad, doubtful and angry are all understandable emotions.  It will take time to overcome these emotions and this will differ from person to person.  It is said that the first 6 days after a relationship ends are the worst emotionally.  Once you have survived these the next 6 weeks will be challenging and you will be up and down.  One moment knowing for sure that this is the best thing, the next wishing he was back in your life.  You will feel lonely and sad and then happy that you have made the right decision.  You may be tempted to take him back into your life to ease the pain.  Stop!  Remind yourself about the decision you made and the reasons for that decision.


All quite confusing at times.  It's best if you have made a clean break so that you can focus on you.  If you have to see your partner perhaps because there are children involved then be prepared for continuing emotional turmoil.  You will have to learn to cope with seeing him and learn how to not let it affect you adversely.  The only think you can control is your reaction to what happens.  You have no control over his behaviour, that's his choice however, you can choose not to get upset by whatever he says or does.


At the end of the first 6 months after the relationship ends you will be in a far better place to start making good decisions about what you are going to do with the next stage of your life.  You will truly be ready to start over without him.  6 months seems like a long time however, it's 6 months that you are investing in you and you will get huge return on your investment later on.

More tips next time on how to start over without him,

Noelyne Jones




P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report here

Starting Over Without Him

A Message from Noelyne..

I've decide to start a new series of blogs specifically aimed at helping you start over without him.  If you are just out of a relationship or at the end of the relationship but haven't made the final break yet for fear of what might happen then the series will give you plenty of advice and support through the transition of starting over again without the man in your life.  It will help you overcome your fear and know that you can handle whatever happens.

This is not about saving a relationship I am talking about when the relationship is over.  You have done absolutely everything possible to make the relationship work however,it's just not happening.  Or your partner has done something that means you can no longer stay in the relationship.  Or your partner has walked out on the relationship to follow a different path.

The biggest fears can be about how you will manage emotionally, financially and practically i.e. where will you live, who will fix the leaking tap, who will you turn to?

Abba's song Knowing me, Knowing you has the lyrics  'Breaking up is never easy'.  Guess what?  In my experience it's very true.  So please please make sure you are doing the best thing for you by ending the relationship, that's if you have a choice.

Step 1 - Be sure that the relationship is really over.

There will be plenty of people ready to give you advice however, when it comes down to it you are the only one who knows in your heart what is right for you.  If you need to talk it through with someone then get advice or support from an independent person such as a relationship coach or marriage guidance counsellor.  They will have only your interests at heart and will want the best for you.  I'm not saying that your friends and family don't however, they are often too emotionally involved and may have fears of their own that influence their advice.

When I realised that my first significant relationship was no longer what I really wanted it took around 12 months before I actually ended it.  I had lots of fear going on however, I suppose I wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing for everyone.  I was fearful of hurting people.  And in the end my boyfriend took an overdose shortly after I ended the relationship.  Thankfully he survived.

My biggest fear when deciding to end my marriage was the effect it would have on both families.  They loved both me and my husband.  We all enjoyed each others company and spent holidays together.  I put off the inevitable until I could no longer stay in the relationship.  Have you been in that situation where you know you need to do something yet something keeps putting you off so it drags on and on?  You are actually stopping both yourself and the other people from starting to rebuild their lives.

I discovered something that my husband had hidden from me for the 15 years we were together and it was not something that I could live with.  In the end the decision was easy to make.  However, that started a new set of fears.  How was I going to tell him?  I remember searching the internet for advice and as a result asked my husband to go for a walk so that we were on neutral territory.  It was the worst walk of my life.  I felt sick at the thought of how he would react and his inevitable sadness and possible anger.  It was a very difficult time and of course having had the conversation it sets things in motion.  Thinsg would not be the same again.  It sets off a chain of events.

I'll talk more about those chain of events next time.

Enjoy the process of life, 

Noelyne Jones

P.S. Request a copy of my Free Special Report How to Overcome Your Fears